Sunday, July 09, 2006

Enough is enough

I made a very scary discovery today in the mirror of the church bathroom--I look about 5-6 months pregnant. This is not good considering I am no longer pregnant (and not either newly pregnant, I tested).

The funny thing is, however, I have actually began a weight loss regimen. I started the South Beach Diet about three weeks ago and it worked like a charm, until I began making allowances for myself, and then it yo-yo'ed (I'm not sure how to spell that, because it isn't really a real word) back and forth which basically amounted to me not losing any more weight. Then a revelation of sorts came to me: eating out gets me every time. No matter how well I think I am doing, eating out has a way to sabotage me. So I've decided to discontinue eating out altogether. Except I am toying with the idea of allowing salads with minimal ingredients and Italian dressing. Other than that, I will be eating my meals at home. If this still proves to sabotage my efforts, I'll be eating nothing at all from a restaurant.

In essence, I am not giving up--I AM NOT GIVING UP! These pounds are coming off dang it if it is the last thing I do. For those of you who are unfamiliar with losing weight, this is what makes it so dang hard. You have to constantly rededicate yourself, and fight like the death at all times. The minute you let your guard down, it gets away from you, and the farther it gets away from you the harder it is to get it back. It it very hard and takes real discipline. But what drives me, and possibly others is the incredibly strong desire to never look pregnant unless I am so. So there it is, I have about 40 or so lbs to go, and I will reach half of my goal by my planned trip to Hawaii which will be good, but not as good as if I were to be all the way there. Sigh. And that's what is so tragic about wasted time. There won't be anymore waited though, because I am back on baby, and this time I am not stopping until I have gone all the way.

Sunday, July 02, 2006


Well it has been a little over a month since my last post, I guess I haven't had too much to say which is unheard of with me...

Anyhow, there has been one thing that has been on my mind quite a bit lately, and I thought it would be very appropriate to post about.

Sweat. That's right, sweat. I sweat. There, I said it--and frankly it feels good to openly admit it. I feel a bit as though I am maturing because more and more I make peace with things that don't matter that are a part of my life whether I want it to be or not.

As a teenager, I spent countless hours worrying and stressing about that little part under my arms. I have tried countless "remedies," prescriptions, advice, voo doo, etc. To rid me of this problem. None of this worked, and I was forced to ignore it for the time being.

Then, a friend of mine who has suffered from the same thing suggested I try a certain brand of men's deodorant because it was "The only thing that has ever worked" for her. So, the beast inside of me began to be fed and once again I began a fruitless quest for dryness. Her suggestion as I'm sure you guessed, did not work, and I really got sick of smelling like a guy. So, like many from my generation would, I turned to my personal information guru--the internet. I found a few places that promised me sweat free days for such and such a price, and I found the one that seemed the most promising and decided to give it a go. Needless to say I'm sure, it didn't work and it only frustrated me more (I did, however, get my money back).

Then, after I had whined and complained--complete with tears of real sorrow--to my husband (who was very sweet to put up with it), something happened. I began to realize that I was wasting time and emotion on something very insignificant. I think I was even inspired to begin to think of all of the suffering and heartache there is in the world, and how lucky I was that my biggest concern from day to day is my sweat. It reminded me of the phrase that I often think of: "now those are the kind of problems you want to have." So after feeling lucky and humbled, I began to make peace with my sweat.

After that day, my perspective changed and I started to notice something I hadn't before--I wasn't the only one that sweats. Duh. People sweat, big revelation! I started to notice more and more people that had wet spots under their arms, and they were all kinds of people, even the thin and beautiful. Which of course led me to wonder, why then, is it such a big deal? It isn't a result of being dirty or having not showered (Ironically I sweat more right after I shower), and it doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with BO either, believe me, I've tested.

The conclusion I came to is that it can only be a by-product of our American culture. Leave it to us to take something perfectly normal and twist it into something bad and add a completely impossible standard to live up to along with it. Add it to our obsession with minty breath, perfectly perky breasts, nothing but clean white and perfectly straight teeth, rock hard abs, a hairless body, cellulite-free legs, and I'm sure there's more. No wonder we are all getting plastic surgery. I think it's a sign of how bad things have become when celebrities and fashion models are getting plastic surgery as well. The very people we try to emulate aren't even good enough. I think it is sick that we are being pressured to fit into these unnatural molds, and if you are contributing to this--stop. Seriously, think about it, haven't you been conditioned to think that sweating is bad, unattractive, and a sign of bad hygiene? And have you never sweat before when you knew you were clean? If you haven't I want nothing to do with you. Because a person like that isn't real. I think if we were all honest with ourselves, we'd have to admit that we have sweat once in our lives.

So, I'm officially over it. Yeah, I sweat, and the next time you see me, I may have great big spots of wetness under each arm, but rest assured, I am finished caring. And I don't care what anyone else thinks. Finally. And to add to that--my breasts will never be as perky as thy once were, I have a ton of stretch marks, I occasionally have bad breath, I too deal with body hair, one of my lower front teeth is crooked, and I have declined the offer to fix it many times, I certainly have cellulite on my legs, and yes, I do fart from time to time.

Eh? What do you say to that America? That isn't to say that I haven't altered anything about my looks, but I have drawn a line, and I think everyone should. And the main point is that no one can ever be that perfect so it is silly to stress about it. Especially something so commonplace as sweating. It's enough to make me want to move to Europe. Perhaps I will move there to raise my children so that they will have an opportunity to see that all people are beautiful in their natural state--and that everybody sweats.