Sunday, April 27, 2008

Doing the Math

Jon and I have been married for 7 years 6 months. After the first 6 months of marriage, I became pregnant with our first kid who was full term or 10 months, and It took me at least 1 month (I'm being veeerrrrry conservative here) to recover from the birth. Add to that 3 additional months of nursing, and 7 months to loose the weight that I gained due to nursing. Then 7 months later, we started trying for our second. After 4 months, I became pregnant again, and that pregnancy lasted 5 months after which we lost our baby. Because we desperately wanted another kid, we immediately started trying again, and 9 months later, I became pregnant again. That pregnancy lasted 3 months after which we lost that baby and immediately began trying yet again. 9 months later (I know, weird, huh?) I became pregnant with our second kid and carried her to term--10 months. 1 month of recovery plus an additional 10 months of nursing--11 months (don't worry, I'm keeping track of all of this so you don't have to). 6 months to loose the weight that I gained from nursing, and 3 months after that I became pregnant again. I am now in the 9th month of my pregnancy with our third Earth-bound kid, which I anticipate I will carry to term (10 months), recover from (1 month), and nurse for at least 6 months or more. Which brings me right to our eight year anniversary.

So, for the eight years Jon and I have been married, I will have had a total of 16 normal months that were in no way influenced by pregnancy, childbirth, or nursing. Not even a year and a half. On the other hand, 80 months of our marriage (6 years 8 months) my body has been adversely affected by pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing.

We have had two miscarriages back to back that wreaked havoc on my body emotionally, physically, and hormonally. My weight has been up and down in drastic amounts since we started this whole thing with less than 6 consecutive months of my normal weight since the birth of my first. We have dealt with mild infertility due to low progesterone levels which caused my body to not ovulate, we went through the hell of trying to conceive which basically meant I lived my life in two week increments for 18 months total (the first two weeks of my cycle, ovulation, the next two weeks, pregnancy test, disappointment, repeat). I've had severe morning sickness with all 5 of my pregnancies. I lost my milk unexpectedly with our first and dealt with low milk supply with our second, and to top it all off, I have a whole mess of stretch marks.

So I can say with peace of mind that I AM DONE. I feel peace in that decision finally, and no longer feel any guilt. I'm so very tired of it all, and I'm ready to begin adding to those scant 16 months of normalcy again. I feel as though a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

In no way do I intend to imply that I have had it worse than any other woman, nor do I feel the need to justify what is a very personal decision between my husband and I. I just thought it was interesting and quite a bit sobering, and I thought you all would be interested too.


Becky said...

it's amazing how much mother's sacrifice for their children and family. ali, you are so strong...i totally admire you for your strength. whether you have 3 or 9 children you've done your part. :)

that really is crazy to think of the ratio between normalicy and pregnancy/other stuff for your body. so nuts.

on the lighter/good note...this post did not add another month to birth control for me. :)

I'm so excited for your little boy! Hope you get some good rest tonight.

oh..and i will be posting tomorrow or tuesday about our arrival! :)

Britney said...

Can I just say...OH MY and your body deserve a freaking break!

Sarah said...

I think you are awesome. I am sorry it has been a hard road of hormones, sickness, poopy diapers etc. You really do deserve a break. So now just enjoy the fact that this is the last time you will have to do all do you think you are really done? (I just had to ask)

ali said...

um, barring some MAJOR spiritual confirmation to the contrary, yes.

And Becky, I'm so glad I didn't scare you away this time! I'm beginning to think if you keep reading my posts you'll never want to have kids ;) !!

Anonymous said...

Ali- I feel so much the same! Except for the preg and nursing, LOL. It just seems like I have worked for years and years- so many crazy emotions, infertility, tons of money, and wild adoption roller coasters! When we got our boys I just felt an overwhelming relief that our family was DONE and we could just relax and enjoy what we had- not always keep trying for the next one. And like you said, there might be some MAJOR revelation that would change that, but for now, just enjoy the peace- you have well earned it!!

Kelly said...

Isn't it so freeing to be done? I think 3 kids is the new 4--that's what I'm saying.

Andy & Jessica said...

Three is the new four Ali! We will have one more and be done. Pregnancy and motherhood takes up so much of your life. Both of my pregnancies were really hard for me too. I am just barely feeling good after having Seth, and he is just about to turn 2. I really don't want to be pregnant again, but I do feel as though there is one more waiting to come join our family.
You have been through so much with the pregnancies and everything. I can totally see why you are done. Plus if you look at it this way which I am sure you have, you have been pregnant five times. You are amazing:-)!!
Good Luck with the rest of this pregnancy, I can't wait until he arrives!

jill said...

Ali- you are great! When you break things down this way it really is an eye opener. Here's to the "less is more" mentality and not defining your worth by a mere number. (three is quite alot of work but I do live in utah you know!)Oh and cheers to you mothers of nine.

TheVillamorFamily said...

I don't know you(came here from Shanna's blog) but just wanted to say i loved your post!! I only have 2 and feel at peace about it all....never thought about how long we did the "gotta have baby" thing but like you said it sure is nice to feel "done"! Sorry to hear about your miscarriages!! Wow...I don't know how you did it all! I hope your third arrives safely and the countdown to "normalcy" is swift!

Oh...and I agree with #2 of your nature laws....but mine is any form of pizza is a hit...use to be hot dogs but I guess we moved on to pizza ha!...even that cold disgusting lunchable kind they would eat over something yummy!

ali said...

yes, pizza and lunchables will do at my house too, as long as it makes me sick, my kids will eat it!

Adam said...

Three kids? That's it?

Seriously, though, that was one detailed post. A little... too detailed.

ali said...

scary huh ads? Think of all you have to look forward too!

Kristi said...

Hey Ali! I found your blog through the other cousin's blogs... I love it!! I have one too. I will send you an invite if you send me your email address to!

Natalie said...

LOVE this post. Can i send you my stats so that you can do a post for me? I think that it needs to be public information. The clear view of the hormonal taxing my body has endured would explain a lot of my behavior.