Sunday, October 26, 2008
Don't read this post Mom*
Ok, I realize that's only going to make her want to read it more, but it's worth a shot.
And for the rest of you, a warning:
--you are about to join a HUGE pity party, enter at your own risk--
Alrighty, now I can start without any guilt. I am an only girl, I have three wonderful brothers that I always wished I could trade for sisters when I was a kid. Although I think what I really wanted was to add a sister without sacrificing any of my brothers even though there were times...
Anyway, I distinctly remember the day my little brother was born and how TOTALLY disappointed I was that he wasn't a girl (give me a break, I was only 4). I thought it was a given that he would be a girl, we had already had two boys--it was the girls' turn now. It just didn't compute. So I spent my childhood playing catch-up and trying to fit in, for example I was irritated that I was the only one that had to wear a shirt (still 4, relax). Now, I'll spare you the nitty gritty details of all the days I had to put up with watching sports, reading about sports, playing sports, talking about sports; not being able to share clothes, bedrooms, friends; not being able to talk about bras, periods, or breasts; being made fun of constantly, being labeled as the "sensitive one" because I was the only one in the house that cried (unless a beloved sports team lost), and being extremely naive because I didn't have an older sis to tell me all about boys.
Now don't get me wrong, my Mom was able to fill in for most of that and because of it we are really close--which is great--but there was always an overtone of "momness" that just comes with the territory.
When I became an adult, I started to get over it. I loved my brothers so much more and appreciated them so much more than I did as a kid, and I was finally ok with not having sisters. Until recently. All I can see these days are sisters. I go to a family reunion to see my cousins, and they are laughing with their sisters and talking about girl stuff and (possibly) how crazy their family is and more than likely they are reminiscing about some wacky childhood adventure that revolved around them (again, possibly) fighting over a boy or stealing each other's clothes, and sure, they say hi to me and we talk, but then they go right back to their sisters. I listen as my friends tell me all about trips to go visit their sisters and I mentally note that I could never visit a brother on my own, that would be weird. Also, it's not like we could sleep in the same room and eat popcorn and giggle while watching "Oklahoma" even if it wouldn't be weird visiting all by myself. My Mom is actually about to go on a trip with her sisters to a quilt show. I could never do that with my brothers.
I don't want to take anything away from my Sisters-in-law, because I love them dearly, and they are the closest things to sisters that I have besides my Mom, but I will always take a backseat to their sisters and there isn't that we-share-DNA-and-have-known-each-other-since-birth-and-have- shared-deodorant type of bond that real sisters have, and I miss that. The thing about it too, is that no amount of proactivity is going to change my status. I can't hard-work myself a sister that I've had for life.
And then I think about my daughter. Oh that I could give her a sister like I never had, but we've all but decided that we are finished having kids. I tell ya though, if I had a window into the future and could guarantee having a girl theverynextpregnancy I would sacrifice all of that for a sister for my daughter tomorrow (well, maybe not tomorrow, but you get the idea).
So next time you talk to or see your sister, think of me and smile because you are so lucky to have her.
And for heaven's sake, if you see me at a family reunion, please take pity on me and let me sit by you and your sisters because I am so tired of talking about sports and politics (I can say this because I know none of my brothers read my blog--except for you Adam), and I would just love for a moment to pretend that I am your sister too.
*I'd rather my Mom didn't read this because she always felt bad for me not having a sister, and I don't want to make her sad-- plus I always reassured her that I was fine and didn't miss having sisters *sigh* sorry Mom.