Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Things That Bug Me

In no particular order:

*Some of you may recall how I feel about Parents Magazine (of which I am still receiving issues despite my having not renewed the subscription).  Tonight I found this little gem in the latest issue:

"She stays fit chasing after her 1-year-old son, Jake."

I never really know how to feel after reading things like this--after all, I've had three kids and never once was I able to "stay fit" just by chasing after them, and I start to wonder, is her kid running 10 miles a day at 10 miles per hour? Or is my kid just really lazy?  I have to conclude however, that chasing after a toddler is not really an effective form of exercise, and I just want people to call a spade a spade:

"My metabolism is unnaturally high, and I'm able to stay thin just by sitting around and watching my 1-year-old son, Jake play with his blocks."

At least then we would be spared the intellectual insult.

*Phone Solicitors.  16 out of the last 30 phone calls our house received were solicitors.  Which essentially means that I am paying about 15 dollars a month for people I don't know to call and send me into a panic-induced chase to the phone while my poopy-bottomed son wriggles around smearing poop on his changing table just to find out that I'm not getting a phone call from a long lost friend, but someone who swears that they can lower our mortgage payment.  Now I know you all mean well, but please don't give me the "Just opt out" speech, because I've opted out about a million times, and I've listened to the full recorded message only to find out that there is no option to press a button and be removed from the calling list.  It just isn't happening, they just aren't going away.  So instead I'm thinking heavily of discontinuing my land line and just using the cell phone I pay an arm and a leg for anyway.  Unfortunately for the people who will be getting my old phone number, I will continue to give it out when asked by retailers what my phone number is.  Sorry future phone number possessors, but otherwise the purpose would be defeated.

*People who can't read our family names.  My youngest son's first name is Axel.  Nothing special, just Axe with an L sound at the end--you know like a certain guitarist from a certain 80's hair band (not his namesake by the way).  And for illustration purposes, let's pretend that his surname is Fellstrod (and by the way it is surprisingly difficult to make up a fake name that is similar syllable wise to your real name).  Tonight at the pharmacy while I was filling a prescription of his, the pharmacist called out "Alex Failstord."  I'm assuming she knows how to read because it takes a fair amount of schooling to become a pharmacist, but that is really only an assumption.  After 8 years of similar situations however, I start to wonder if the human brain can only handle a certain amount of letters before it shuts down it's ability to sight read.  In Axel's case, that would be only one letter--A.  Apparently if your name is anything more unique than Bob Smith--people just can't handle.  Another reason this bothers me is that it's as if people are operating under the scenario that I have obviously misspelled my own son's name and that I must have meant Alex instead of Axel.  It's a good thing that I didn't go with the original spelling of his name that I wanted: Axl.  I think people would have had an aneurism trying to read that (my parents are going to have a heyday with this).

*Allergies.  I always thought that it would totally suck to have a kid with allergies, and now I know definitively that it does indeed suck to have a kid with allergies.

*Everything-- at a particular time of the month.


Emily said...

Shut your mouth! Just so you know, I am laughing so hard my side hurts!!! That's how in shape I am. I get winded laughing. I guess I need to chase my toddler around more!!!

By the way. I am so with you on the "reading your child's name" thing. My son's name is Louis. Just Louis. Not Louie or Lois or Louise. You'd be surprised at how many names you can come up with. You'd think it was in german or something. I mean, come on people. Work with me.

Chris said...

I'm sure you know about this, but here:
It's at least a good start

Chris said...

Here's a direct link:
Put Your Number on the "Do Not Call List"

Adam and Lisa said...

And here is my super long response:

My solution to the phone call thing is that we have a VOIP land line. If you have tmobile, you can get home phone for $10/month. And since the number is not from the phone company, it is not listed in the phone book, hence no telemarketers. Now to tackle the credit card offers in the mail.

My last name (Lichfield) has so many variations- Richfield, Lynchfield, Witchfield, Launchfield, Lunchfield, and (my personal favorite) Lickfield. I don't even correct people anymore. The ensuing 15 minute spelling and repeating conversation is just not worth it. I'd rather be Mrs. Lickfield.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go pick up Ellie's toys and thus complete my day's workout.

Adam and Bri said...

oh, how i love this post. so true, ali. so true.

Anonymous said...

Ah, where to start.... :)

-Did you know I actually believed that I would get in better shape when my kids were toddlers? I had obviously read too many of these stupid comments. I had 2 one year olds and a 2 year old, and *gained* weight! Probably all the chocolate I had to eat to keep sane, but still... I agree!

-I have one phone solicitor that calls my cell. About 6x/week. I have gotten the "second notice" about 57 times. Ugh. Love the poopy bottom image. Been there.

-And, at least Alex is better than Wetback. It would be best if they just took a second to read the name, but even better if they didn't use the mispronunciation to insult a group of people. Lickfield is funny too. I almost chocked on my drink. I may have to use that one! ;)

-I hate allergies too. Esp. when they tell me Abigail isn't allergic to anything. EXCEPT THAT SHE IS. I wish they would just say they didn't know what she was allergic to, because there is no other explanation for severe sniffling and throat clearing for a few weeks every spring and fall. Oh, we weren't ranting about doctors? Oops, sorry!

-And the other one... I hear you there too... unfortunately.

Kara said...

Ok, that pharmacy thing is wackado!

JujuBean said...

I love how much better I feel after a good rant! Way to go. I hate solicitors with a passion, but so far we've been ok at the new mini-manor. We're on the do not call list, which at least helps, doesn't prevent though. My personal favorite are the car warrranty calls you can't stop and the "this is our final call before we're unable to reduce your interest rate" calls on credit cards we don't have! Whew, I feel better. I guess I'll just call that my "running around after my toddler" exercise for the day!

Let's have a cuz party soon!

Merilee said...

All I am going to say is my name is Merilee Parke. When I tell people that my last name is "Park" with an "E"...and they say "where does the "E" go?" I want to cry. It goes infront of the "P"...duh!
Merilee is a gem of it's own. NEVER once has someone spelled it right, let alone said it right. Oh well, it is better than Lickfield, I have to agree on that one!

As for the solicitors...we have an emergency cell phone that Kylee takes with her when she goes somewhere and needs to get ahold of us...keep in mind she is 11, almost 12. She keeps getting texts from someone soliciting legalizing marajuana (sp?), and prostitues. LOVELY! Just the conversation I wanted to have with my pre-teen!

And for the metabloism thing...yeah me too. I totally lost the 35 pounds I gained with my 2nd child by watching him play blocks...or maybe I didn't, but my butt sure got larger :)!

You kill me~ post more often, becuase I need a good gut wrenching laugh more often~!!!

Caroline said...

yeah--don't even get me started about the telemarketers--I've had my name on the do not call list for years and I still get a ton of them. I just hang up, and then they call back because they think I accidentally got cut off! The last time my phone company called 6 times in a week to offer me some great service I told them the next time they called I was canceling my account--haven't heard from them again!

As for names---I think I have everyone last name is never even close to spelled right or pronounced correctly--even by people who have known me for years (although this does help in identifying who is a solicitor on the phone). But I have tons of issues with my first name too--I think half the people I know call me Melanie or Melissa. I stopped correcting them after 2-3 times because it just gets embarrassing...ugh!

ali said...

Ok Melinda, it took me a few minutes, but I figured our the mystery. Nice try using your daughter as a cover, but it didn't work this time ;)

Annalee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melinda and Matt said...

ooops--sorry! I forgot she had signed in to update her blog for a rant about people who post using other people's names :)

Juli said...

Oh no! Who's got allergies? That really does suck =(.

The cashiers at Safeway ALWAYS say to me "Have a great day Mrs. Hailstorm!". And I love it--it makes me feel like I should have super powers or something.

And I lost a bunch of weight after I had Braden while I was "chasing" Natalie (yeah, because she was so hard to keep up with). But, for some reason this has not worked with any of the other kids. Go figure.

Jennifer said...

So my plan to lose the last 14 pounds by having a bunch of children isn't going to work?

As for names, mine is so common and boring that no one ever misspells or mispronounces it, unless they fall asleep while saying it. I envy those with interesting names.

I also love the telemarketers that call me at work. It's funny that they think I'll sign on to a 300$ a month advertising campaign for a radio station I've never heard of. And of course they refuse to send any printed info...