Thursday, May 26, 2011

More Goals

Last year, I lost all of the weight I had gained by making babies, and I remember that day when I reached my goal and didn't have to diet as strictly anymore. I was happy, but oddly, I felt a serious sense of loss and disorientation. I had been "trying" to lose weight for about 8 or so years on and off between pregnancies, and at the reach of this goal I had been so dedicated that for a while I didn't know what to do with myself. What on earth was I going to do with all of that extra time and energy? I needed some serious direction. I immediately thought that I might like to tone up my newly smaller self and get some much needed muscle and strength, but I didn't really know where or how to do that properly.

I finally feel like I have found a great program to do that with (P90X for those who are curious), and so I embark today on another physically challenging goal.

For me, there is just something about being thirty-- I'm finally old enough to realize that I have to make my own destiny (physically or otherwise), and for the first time in my life I can clearly see that someday I will get old. I refuse to let my body turn into a puddle of useless goo. I want to be strong and healthy for the rest of my life. As it stands, my muscles are in a very sad state of underuse. My core muscles are so completely weak that I can barely do any activity for too long without my back hurting. Case in point-- I went on a bike ride with my little family, and long before my legs and my heart complained, my neck and back complained. That's pathetic.

After I lost my weight, I immediately had a surge of desire for any type of physical activity, and one of those was to learn how to surf. My brother-in-law gave me a small lesson one afternoon on our last trip to Hawaii, and what I mostly learned from him was that in order to surf, I'd have to execute a perfect push up and then throw my legs and feet under my chest before I even had to worry about balance and sharks and other sea creatures. The thing is, I can't really do a push up. My upper body strength doesn't exist. I want to be strong and fit enough to tackle any activity that I want to do at any time.

And in a more vain area, I am sick to death of my stomach hanging out of my clothes. One of the adorable girls in my sewing class asked me one day what it felt like not to look like I had been married for 10 years, and I laughed but inside I thought, What is a woman supposed to look like after 10 years of marriage? Haggard? Worn down? Lumpy? Am I supposed to hand over my femininity and body shape just because I'm 30 and already married? Hell no. I'm not living the rest of my life like this, I'm doing something about it.

And so it begins. 90 days from now, I will be a new person. I will be stronger, fitter, and tighter, and when I travel to oceanside, CA with my family this year, I will learn how to surf because pushups will be a piece of cake. And when the 90 days comes to an end, I will find another challenge and I will continue to challenge myself physically for the rest of my life.

Cheer me on?